All ends are for the sake of beginning.

Falling.

Falling deeper and deeper.

To the bottom of an abyss, where not even light can reach.

Vaguely, that’s the image I had.

I can’t see.

I can’t smell.

The sensation of my skin has been gone for a while.

In the endless darkness, only the electronic sound indicating my vitals rings out loudly.

It has been proven by some research in Canada or somewhere that the last sense to remain until a person’s death is “hearing.”

However, I never thought that I would verify this so quickly with my own body.

…No, I knew.

I knew that a day like this would come sooner or later.

I can hear my mother’s encouraging voice, wet with tears.

My father, who always said, “Really, I’m not the one who’s suffering,” and put up a strong front, was sobbing today.

All my senses are numbed, and the boundary separating me from the world becomes vague.

A feeling of omnipotence, as if I’ve become one with everything in this world, sweeps through my body.

At the same time, an indescribable chill strokes the nape of my neck.

――Ah, so this is “death”.

The last sense to remain until a person’s death is “hearing.”

But what remained intensely in my fading consciousness was the warmth enveloping my palm.

――Mom, I wish you wouldn’t cry. Please see me off with a smile since it’s the end.

――Dad, I think it’s okay for you to cry today. You don’t have to carry your sorrow alone, it’s okay to express your emotions.

I can’t say I’m satisfied…

I wanted to go to school.

If you’re around my age, you would normally go to school every day, attend classes, participate in club activities, and then go home and spend a family moment with the three of you around the dinner table.

When was the last time I went to school?

When was the last time I saw my teacher?

I don’t remember the last time I ran with all my might.

The taste of my mother’s homemade cooking is fading.

I wanted to go on a family trip.

To go hiking in the mountains or fishing in the sea.

The winter scenery that makes the northern sigh, the calm open sea of the southern tropics.

The pictures in the travel magazines I used to look at were all exciting.

I wanted to eat delicious food with plenty of spices, not the bland hospital food.

My mother, who is a good cook, might have made a variety of dishes to celebrate my discharge from the hospital.

I was interested in cooking too, so I wanted to try making it while learning from her.

Above all, I wanted to reassure them.

That I could live on my own.

That they had nothing to worry about.

In the end, that wish didn’t come true.

If there is such a thing as a next life, I’d like to see beautiful scenery with my own eyes.

I want to run until I can’t breathe.

I want to eat delicious food to my heart’s content.

…

The chronic pain that tormented me so much has reached the stage where I can’t feel it even without the intravenous drip of painkillers.

At this point, I can’t help but understand.

――I don’t have much time left.

The monitor marking my vital signs is probably gradually reducing its oscillations.

The electronic sound must also be getting weaker and more irregular.

There were many things I wanted to do.

Among them, what I was able to do was just a handful.

Even so, I don’t think my life so far was that bad.

It would be a lie to say I didn’t feel constrained.

But there were also many fun and happy things.

The world is going dark.

Coldness is covering my body.

I have complaints.

I also think it’s unfortunate.

But I don’t have any regrets.

I’ve fulfilled living as “me”.

And I was blessed with my parents.

I can proudly say it was the best life.

So, I think I’ll close the curtain on my existence with these words.

Mom, Dad ――

―― Thank you.

And then the world was dyed white.